What Gets Us Through . . .
“There is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” ~ Winnie the Pooh (one of my favorite bears)
The human race, in fact all living things, are amazing. Our ability to adapt, think, build, change, and find our way through life and all of its obstacles is phenomenal.
To get through the heat we … invented air conditioning, ice boxes, fans, and silly beach things.
To get through the cold we … built fires, insulated houses, thermal clothing (even fuzzy hats with ear flaps)
To get through the rain/water we … made boats, bridges, umbrellas, yellow rain coats and boots
To get through an accident we … organized rescue units, safety procedures, trauma units, and trained caring people to handle disasters
To get through isolation we … connected phones, roads, mailboxes, and now blogging sites.
To get through physical pain we … developed pain killers, medical procedures, induced sleep and new methods to comfort each other
To get through grief … well, this is one area I’m sure that we haven’t developed a concrete method to help get us through. The problem with grief is that it is unique to everyone, can be a long process, and the healing needs to take place within us … other people can’t fix it for us. Counselors, friends, family, prayer, and for me music can help us .. but it is up to us to find a way to move past the pain, depression and even despair.
Jason Gray’s new CD (“Love Will Have The Final Word”) showed up in my mailbox when my mom first got sick and I played it over and over again during the hours and hours of driving I had to do during that 8 week period. The songs (not all sad because they are about love) and Jason’s deep understanding of life that he shares in the words of his songs got me through and are still helping me today. Unfortunately, it is one of those days when grief pops back up and takes me in reverse a bit, so I’m listening to Jason. Although every song on the CD is great and will open your heart and provide some healing, I thought I would share his song on grief with you … maybe it will help get you through if you are struggling, too … or help you help someone else who is grieving. The worse part of grief is feeling that you are alone in your suffering … and you are definitely not.
Here is a link to Jason’s WordPress post on grief and this song: http://jasongraymusic.wordpress.com/2014/03/06/not-right-now-the-story-behind-the-song/#comments
“You give yourself permission to grieve by recognizing the need for grieving. Grieving is the natural way of working through the loss of a love. Grieving is not weakness nor absence of faith. Grieving is as natural as crying when you are hurt, sleeping when you are tired or sneezing when your nose itches. It is nature’s way of healing a broken heart.” – Doug Manning
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Grief is not always about death of a loved one … loss of a job, health issues, trauma, relationship break up, selling family home, loss of a friendship … many other things can make us experience grief. Sometimes it is not about just one big loss, but the combination of many smaller losses … whatever the case, know that you are not alone in your struggles and seek help when needed.
More information on grief: (http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm)
“Grieving is a personal and highly individual experience. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and the nature of the loss. The grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried—and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief experience, it’s important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold.”
Bear in Mind 
There is no proper way to grieve…your soul will lead the way. Big hugs to you.
Thanks for the hugs Suzi …. I understand the unknown grief path I am on, and like the song says .. things will be better … but, not right now.
I hoped you liked the music!
I really like this post. I have a friend who has trouble identifying or being able to deal with sorrow of anyone outside of himself. In fact, any such expression can cause him to explode and to become verbally abusive. I thought to ask him, the last time, if there is something about how other people in his life might have used whining to be complaints that they thought he was responsible for or as manipulation to get him to do what they thought he ought to do. My question got silence, so I stated that in trying to accommodate him, I had brought less joy to myself in spontaneous expression and that while sometimes I might wish him to modify an action, that I’d directly tell him what I wished. Otherwise, I told him that I would just like empathy, compassion, and the ability to be myself. I said that I hoped my need to express myself didn’t then accidentally become my need to change him (not snapping at me over it.)
I might share this post with him. Sometimes a more general and detached from our personality approach follows logic instead of emotion, and for him and thus me, is more helpful and productive.
It means a lot to me when fellow bloggers let me know that my thoughts hit a chord with them and that maybe something I said could help someone else. I don’t always put myself out there when I am blogging and try to keep things more “general” … so, thanks Elisa for your support when I do.
In dealing with grief, there is a fine and crooked line that no one understands … when people “feel sorry for me” – it brings the hurt back. When my siblings who also lost their mom want to ignore it and just plow through, that hurts too. Like Jason said in his song ..for me, the best is a silent, supportive friend who is just there and listens when I feel like talking about it all.
I am not sure what you can do to help someone that has trouble expressing empathy for another person’s sorrows … except to ask for what you need.
I found grief to be like trying to standing in the ocean along the shore. The ground is always shifting under your feet, and just when you think you’re standing firmly, a rogue wave comes along and knocks your breath away. At those moments, fighting against the current only pulls you under and wears you out. It’s then you just have to float and let the ocean carry you. — Best wishes to you as you continue to grieve your Mom’s passing. Beautiful post, by the way.
Thanks Judy …. Yes, that is a good description. The obscured little things that go along with her death are the waves that hit you for weeks later … cleaning out her closets, going through photos, selling family farm, sibling arguments, my brother getting married (that she will miss), and even something as small as canceling the phone where her voice message is stored.
Yes. Be gentle with yourself as you find ways to do the grieving and to honor your mother in the process. Bless your heart.
Thank you for sharing your grieving journey, bearyweather. One of my friends taught me a lot about grief about five years ago. She lost her husband (too young) and she grieved and grieved and grieved. At one point I remember thinking that it was time to let it all go. But you know what? She ended up letting it go when she was ready. She taught me that grief has no timetable, no shoulds or shouldn’ts. We grieve for as long as we want to, even until the end of our days. And that’s perfectly OK, if that’s how long it takes.