Numbing . . .

Numbness:  without feeling, desensitized, deadened, deprived of the power of sensation deprive of feeling or responsiveness.

The cold can numb our fingers, ears and toes and if we stay out in the cold long enough, it can even numb our nose.

Intense exercise can numb our bodies … an intense work out, our bodies are caught up in movement that requires no thought …we just move, sweat and be … we feel no pain.

Lack of sleep can numb our senses our entire being … exhaustion can make us forget everything and feel nothing.

Repetitive, thoughtless activities can numb our minds  … deaden our purpose, reason for being, turn off our thoughts and idle us to the point of nothingness.

An overabundance of stress and bad news can numb our emotions over time … so much so that when someone calls to tell us that “our mother has had a heart attack and is on her way to Duluth in an ambulance” our only reaction is to say okay, put it on our list of bad things, and go back to work.  Some call it emotional fatigue. However, the numbness does not suppress the guilt that sets in when we are desensitized, deadend and know we should not be.  We can hide our emotions because we currently have none … people  think that we are strong, an anchor to depend on … but, numbness does not make us feel that way. Numbness is not strength, it is nothingness.

Time passes …

Eventually we warm up and our fingers ache with pain as the cold numbing sensation goes away.

Eventually we tire and our body’s motions slow down until every muscle is relaxed and our thoughts are no longer numb to their motion.

Eventually something happens that requires us to think, to figure something out, to make a decision.

Eventually, feelings catch up with us and our emotions wake us up with a slap in the face of reality.

Change happens sometimes without any help from us and we are forced to deal with life as it is … forever changed. If we are emotionally numb to it all, just going through the motions, are we experiencing it or hiding it away deep inside for it to attack us at some other time? … Are we stronger because numbness pulled us through?

Numbness … I guess at times it is our bodies way of protecting us. If numbness is a form of grace, why is there an element of guilt for feeling numb? And, why is it a struggle to get the feelings back … even the sad ones?

Eventually numbness of all kinds end (I hope).  Emotions return, the tears appear …. along with joy …. it has to. Life is a combination of good and bad … not numbing nothingness.  

My Soul’s Become a Statue

by Deanena Tierney

I see the storm clouds rolling in.
From afar; approaching fast.
On every side, hard pressing.
The slivered beam won’t last.

Surprisingly, so swiftly,
The beam is plucked away.
And I’m in the eye of the chaos,
With no choice but to stay.

So, I brace myself for impact,
And the cold, hard freezing rain.
And mind-drift into numbness,
To avoid unavoidable pain.

And sturdy, fixed and riveted,
I will stand strong in the wake.
For my soul’s become a statue.
That no storm will ever break.

~ by bearyweather on February 19, 2012.

12 Responses to “Numbing . . .”

  1. I think sometimes numbing does protect us until we are able to emotionally deal with upsets.
    I LOVE LOVE LOVE that first photograph, just beautiful!

  2. Beautifully written! I enjoyed the gorgeous photos, as well. Thank you!

  3. Hi Bearyweather, Although it did snow here yesterday, today almost all of the snow is gone, we have bright sunny skies and the temperature is less numbing to the fingers! I did about 25 minutes of open-air treadmill walking in the rather brisk afternoon air today so I do understanding numb. Glad it is only transitory physical and not emotional or mental for me. Today is a super nice day and I hope you also have a happy and nice evening where you are! Nice thoughtful post.

    • We had a gorgeous saturday today with sunshine and warmth. However, we are all tucked in now … expecting up to 8 inches of snow on Sunday and another possible 12 inches on tuesday/wednesday. It feels like we are going to get all of our winter snow in just a week’s time…. sigh. What a weird year for weather.

  4. Hope that joy returns to you. Great photos.

    • Thanks. I believe to feel joy you also have to feel pain .. you can’t have one without the other. I am positive the numbness will go way when things in my life calm a bit so that I can process it all.

  5. A deep post—sometimes the numbness can be scary and you think you won’t feel anything again. And then you get a good nights sleep and remember how to be happy.

    • I hope it was not too dark. In actuality, I think the numbness is getting me through the current life difficulties and I am starting to appreciate it. However, as you pointed out, it is the fear that the numbness might not go away that is the scary part.
      Thanks for adding to the conversation.

  6. Honoring that numbness provides us–sometimes–with a respite until we’re ready to truly, truly feel. When we’re ready. When it’s time. When our hearts are ready to crack a tiny bit more open.

    • I am learning to appreciate it and hoping dearly that it leaves me a little bit at a time. It has cracked open in a few places this week and has let some sunshine in.

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